sign pen

[blp]

all day
glass
walls and windows
walls in shadow
people sitting in the quiet of glassed off space
lips in motion

coloured notes
on glass
translucent
windows
wall
white notes
clouds

the people’s hair
glows white
against the glass
white light
halos
of hot hair
insights

the heat from which
could fry
an egg
black marks
on paper
punctuate the light

[Marlow]

Hey, I like this very much, blp. Reminds me of a building we had in college. We had these gorgous old stone gothic buildings on campus and then they built this modernesque glass building which was grotesque. I remember how hot it got by the glass.

I think the repetition works very well here. They don't stagnate the poem. It moves forward with ample variety. Nice lines too: "lips in motion," "windows/wall/white notes/clouds," "white light/halos /of hot hair/insights."

I will say, the cliche at the end does nothing for me: "the heat from which/could fry /an egg."

But the very last phrase provides much interest: "black marks/on paper/punctuate the light." Concludes the poem nicely with the contrasting color but still ties together with light motif.

Very nice.

[Winifred]

This takes me back to your boarding school piece, blp, probably the eggs and distances.

I, too, like it - I like the title, sign pen, with the sign/sign of the times/signature/signified echoes against the writing pen/penitentiary meanings.

It's beautiful but so intensely lonely and abstract. Are the black marks scorch marks, or blessed relief from all the glare?

[blp]

This takes me back to your boarding school piece, blp, probably the eggs and distances.

I, too, like it - I like the title, sign pen, with the sign/sign of the times/signature/signified echoes against the writing pen/penitentiary meanings.

Good. Right. Even pig and bullpen.



It's beautiful but so intensely lonely and abstract. Are the black marks scorch marks, or blessed relief from all the glare?

Hard to say. Marks from the sign pen anyway.