Mispirits

[violet_rising]

Forsaken us the twilights
Of shaped-breast and trapped hearts
For my years had kept me cruelty
Leaned in caged minds and morbid tongues

Forsaken us had the twilights
Pleasured us what Nature's wild plays?
A simple laid, here in tender age and agony
Are merely a civilized matter, dear
Mould of irony and of young bones
Dispelled from myths and crackpot stones

ah! I would endured and longed for thee!
The all intense outcome of a fable; Lust,.
Who wed the skin with leisured plot
And like a tiny roar as the lion's bite..

"Mercy.."
"Mercy.."

"A mispirits ends badly..."

[Winifred]

What an interesting poem. I think it reads like a foreign poem thrown into a translator, with great images lying among the grammar's and punctuation's rubble, very effective. If this is some kind of joke, I am completely taken in, the young voice in the poem is haunting.

[violet_rising]

Thank you so much, you really blew me with hopes :) I actually still feel not steady enough to shape my poems, I always though mine was way too abstract and hard for others to read--(and I even wonder, did I manage to made anyone understand it...) . But then again, when I read back to my writings.. somehow it's always like this... And many friends told me that they're truly confused lol

but my, I can accept those critics^_^

I realize it is caused by the lack of English I have,(have to learn more)-- did it sounded like a foreign poem? Lol I guess that really came from my deepest heart.... I'll learn more of poetry.

The poem is actually an exploration from the mind of a youth--(you may say a very strict believer in one principles of life-), who finally fell for its own hunger for freedom-- and was materially, lusted. And perhaps in the journey, love will came at last... just perhaps... well, who knows, I honestly never intend to make a good happy ending in it LOL .(things weren;t that easy in life, and a lil bit of suffer will make us more responsible to our done. .). I've seen too much people like that, and their pain suffocates me...

I truly thank you, Winifred. I hope you can share too more critics, and I'm very glad you enjoyed the poem.