Here's another one

[ArthurDent]

untitled...

As a mournful shape slumps on the sand,
The mocking waves, forever breaking,
Retreat just out of reach.
To his eye’s the fairest, indeed she was,
Trustworthy like the foam of the sea.
Solemnly he watches,
Unwanted son of god, a big toy to be handled
By malicious beauty.
The end is abrupt.
For lack of knowledge, as that of love,
Brings unsatisfying halt

As usual, comments are welcome :good:

[Star_Anise]

It's great to see you back on the poetry, Arthur, but I think with this one, you're not at your best. I like "Trustworthy like the foam of the sea", and, "For lack of knowledge, as that of love,/Brings unsatisfying halt" and the theme of the poem in general, but a lot of it, for want of a better word, feels lazy. The first two lines especially, and "malicious beauty".

I do like the lack of a full stop at the end, I hope it was intentional.

[Queue]

I’ve only read a couple of your other poems so I’m still trying to figure out your style, but I agree with Star that this one feels a little lazy. Maybe all the beach imagery in the first several lines makes it feel that way. I also wondered why you took a big turn there when you said “solemnly he watches, unwanted son of god” and then described him as “a big toy to be handled by malicious beauty.” Toy doesn’t exactly sound like the most appropriate word there, and I also don’t quite understanding the meaning of the last three lines.

[ArthurDent]

Thanks Guys, I personally like this one :)

The lack of full stop was indeed intentional Star, It seemed appropriate.