What feature would you want most in a partner?

[incka]

I've been thinking alot, and of course nature makes us have partners for the purpose of reproduction, so does this affect who you would choose as a partner?

Personally I would choose a partner who:

Is intelligent (IQ).
Is emotionally intelligent.
Is liberal.
Wants to change the world for the better.

I've started to think that love is not for the person you 'love', but for their potential for your children. This may not sound very nice, but I think this is nature's goal.

So what do I want to know? Well if you have an interest in literature, you must be quite intellectual, so what do you look for in a partner?

I might actually write a essay on the results, I'm getting alot of interest in things like this recently...[/list]

[Matthew Sweet]

Is intelligent (IQ).
Is emotionally intelligent.
Is liberal.
Wants to change the world for the better.

You're nuts. I want a partner I like. Having a partner that's like a other-sex copy of yourself would be sooooo boring. At least a little agreement on things is okay, but my g/f should have an opinion of herself. And I wouldn't mind if she's dumb as hell as long as she's sweet and caring!

[incka]

Not a copy, but someone I could discuss things with, who may have different views on some things, etc.

[Matthew Sweet]

As I said: I'm not interested in her IQ at all, but she shouldn't be too dumb either.

[creme_ala_creme78]

i want a guy thats smart but doesnt make me feel dumb


and i DO care about looks....

pretty eyes (the eyes are the window to the soul after all)
taller than me (thats most guys, and they dont let me forget it either)
can make me laugh
can laugh at himself
is interested in the arts (paintings, sculptures, theatre, ballets, operas, music, etc)
enjoys reading and learning new things
lean or muscular but not fat and not a body builder
hair hasta be decent (not a particular colour/style/length)


im kinda picky, but i know who i want, and i know who i am currently fighting for

[mishka]

for me:

absolute musts:
intelligence
sense of humour
interesting
shared views on childrearing
some shared interests

darn important:
shared views on spirituality

nice to haves:
great smile
great body
great eyes
great everything physical

[creme_ala_creme78]

approval of those close to you and him makes everything easier too

[Quotidian Queen]

Musts:
Same religion
Intelligent
Sense of humor
Not overly judgemental, shallow, arrogant, etc.
Has his own opinions

Added Bonuses:
A few of the same interests... i.e. readin'. lol.
Can get along with my family
Can cook and knows how to clean. lol.
Nice body (hey, I'm only human. lol)

Ehh... there's probably more that I'm not thinkin' of at the moment...

[Freaky Ed]

Has to have:
Philosophical ideas about life, the universe and everything
Sense of humor (preferably satirical humor)
Not fat
Good looking
Inteligent

[Matthew Sweet]

is interested in the arts (ballets)

ballets is NOT an art; it's just a bunch of nutcases hopping around :P

[simon]

Somebody mentally unbalanced for me who would provide much needed chaos and randomness.

[creme_ala_creme78]

is interested in the arts (ballets)

ballets is NOT an art; it's just a bunch of nutcases hopping around :P



i take offense, and, if i were over in europe (which, while europe has you in it, i have no wish to be there), you would receive an earful

[incka]

Ballet is classed as an art (to please jacklyn), just as fox hunting is classed a sport (to please Werner that it is very broad)...

[creme_ala_creme78]

thank you sean....and back to topic,


the thing i want most in a partner right now is for him to a)actually tell me why he's mad at me, b)not be in Oklahoma at his brothers graduation, and c)WHAT DID I DO WRONG????


anyway, we're not even datin yet and hes already mad at me (isnt it sposed to be where the girl is giving the guy the silent treatment and HE cant figure out whats wrong?? instead of vice versa...)

[incka]

What happend?

[creme_ala_creme78]

sry, i had to vent, i apologize



hes blown me off every day since the banquet on monday night...
b4 yesterday hed at least give me some two word or less answer, but yesterday when i tried to talk to him he glared at me and walked off......then he had to go to his bro's graduation, and i dunno when hell be back, by monday........anyway, now that ive gotten that out...

[incka]

Did you do anything to make him upset?

[Matthew Sweet]

(isnt it sposed to be where the girl is giving the guy the silent treatment and HE cant figure out whats wrong?? instead of vice versa...)

Welcome to the 21st century :twisted:

[incka]

This silence treatment thing is very immature in my opinion...

[creme_ala_creme78]

i agree completely, but one immature thing isnt gonna make me give up on him

[incka]

Do you have any idea at all why he is doing it?

[creme_ala_creme78]

maybe i did something wrong on monday night...thats when we had a convo last......









im gonna try to talk to him again on monday

[mazarane]

that's probably going to be the only way to sort it out...good luck :D

[creme_ala_creme78]

thanks...i prolly need it, hes kinda shy and has a hard time openin up to some1.....

[creme_ala_creme78]

ok, i just read this thread and realized how long ago that was...


havent spoken to him since school was out (thank goodness), and i cant say i miss him...



anyway, a lot of things have happened since them (at camp mostly), but ya hafta email me or talk to me on msn or aim to get details :wink:

[eflo]

I've been thinking alot, and of course nature makes us have partners for the purpose of reproduction, so does this affect who you would choose as a partner?

Personally I would choose a partner who:

Is intelligent (IQ).
Is emotionally intelligent.
Is liberal.
Wants to change the world for the better.

I've started to think that love is not for the person you 'love', but for their potential for your children. This may not sound very nice, but I think this is nature's goal.

So what do I want to know? Well if you have an interest in literature, you must be quite intellectual, so what do you look for in a partner?

I might actually write a essay on the results, I'm getting alot of interest in things like this recently...[/list]

I agree that I would look for somebody that is intelligent. Most of all, I would look for somebody that I could communicate with though. That is most important to me, and what holds a relationship together. If you can't communicate with somebody, then you're out of luck.

[oceanflower]

As Judge Judy would say: "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever." :wink:

[eflo]

As Judge Judy would say: "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever." :wink:

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. People can always go to school and learn. Although, you can't learn common sense if that's what you're referring to. And, if you've found a partner, yeah, their physical beauty according to societal standards (read: Hollywood) would certainly deteriorate, but if that person is your special someone, they'll always be beautiful in your eyes, right? :)

[oceanflower]

As Judge Judy would say: "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever." :wink:

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. People can always go to school and learn. Although, you can't learn common sense if that's what you're referring to. And, if you've found a partner, yeah, their physical beauty according to societal standards (read: Hollywood) would certainly deteriorate, but if that person is your special someone, they'll always be beautiful in your eyes, right? :)

What Judge Judy meant was "dumb" in the sense of "lack of common sense", as opposed to book learning. Taken in context she was saying that common sense is better than mere beauty.

(Besides...I didn't really mean to make a social statement by the quote. I was joking.)

Anyway, I will say that book-learning doesn't equal intelligence, nor does the lack of it equal stupidity. And I do agree that although physical beauty may fade, one's special someone will always remain beautiful. Definitely. :)

[eflo]

As Judge Judy would say: "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever." :wink:

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. People can always go to school and learn. Although, you can't learn common sense if that's what you're referring to. And, if you've found a partner, yeah, their physical beauty according to societal standards (read: Hollywood) would certainly deteriorate, but if that person is your special someone, they'll always be beautiful in your eyes, right? :)

What Judge Judy meant was "dumb" in the sense of "lack of common sense", as opposed to book learning. Taken in context she was saying that common sense is better than mere beauty.

(Besides...I didn't really mean to make a social statement by the quote. I was joking.)

Anyway, I will say that book-learning doesn't equal intelligence, nor does the lack of it equal stupidity. And I do agree that although physical beauty may fade, one's special someone will always remain beautiful. Definitely. :)

Yeah, I kind of figured you were kidding. It made me feel good to say what I posted though...never hurts to reexamine what you think about something, starting from scratch and arriving at the same resolution or a different one. I think that's what I try to do in life. It's kind of like waking up everyday. Reevaluating your thoughts on life and trying not to take anything for granted. On the flip side, some people might think this is a great waste of time, constantly examining yourself inside and out... Am I making sense here?

[oceanflower]

As Judge Judy would say: "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever." :wink:

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. People can always go to school and learn. Although, you can't learn common sense if that's what you're referring to. And, if you've found a partner, yeah, their physical beauty according to societal standards (read: Hollywood) would certainly deteriorate, but if that person is your special someone, they'll always be beautiful in your eyes, right? :)

What Judge Judy meant was "dumb" in the sense of "lack of common sense", as opposed to book learning. Taken in context she was saying that common sense is better than mere beauty.

(Besides...I didn't really mean to make a social statement by the quote. I was joking.)

Anyway, I will say that book-learning doesn't equal intelligence, nor does the lack of it equal stupidity. And I do agree that although physical beauty may fade, one's special someone will always remain beautiful. Definitely. :)

Yeah, I kind of figured you were kidding. It made me feel good to say what I posted though...never hurts to reexamine what you think about something, starting from scratch and arriving at the same resolution or a different one. I think that's what I try to do in life. It's kind of like waking up everyday. Reevaluating your thoughts on life and trying not to take anything for granted. On the flip side, some people might think this is a great waste of time, constantly examining yourself inside and out... Am I making sense here?

Yes, it makes complete sense. Every day brings new experiences that effect one's way of thinking and how one sees the world. I think it is vital to reevaluate one's thoughts and beliefs on all areas of life in order to grow as a person. Otherwise, a person becomes a prisoner of his or her own belief system, walking through life with blinkers on. That's a terrible waste of one's life, I think.

[eflo]

Yes, it makes complete sense. Every day brings new experiences that effect one's way of thinking and how one sees the world. I think it is vital to reevaluate one's thoughts and beliefs on all areas of life in order to grow as a person. Otherwise, a person becomes a prisoner of his or her own belief system, walking through life with blinkers on. That's a terrible waste of one's life, I think.

You and I are taking over the forums these past couple of nights.

Anyway, so...to get our conversation a little bit more on topic with the thread, how would you say this works in a relationship? If both partners are constantly reevaluating their thoughts/beliefs/feelings/outlooks on the world...how do they meet up with one another constantly? Or do they reevaluate themselves while conversing with one another and others? I guess I've always been a little introverted and thought of reevaluation as an internal process...after talking with others, or reading a newspaper article, or seeing something interesting on T.V.

[oceanflower]

Well, as an extrovert, I tend to want to talk about and share a new idea or revelation that's come to me, but I'm careful about who I share with. In my opinion, if two people are in a committed relationship they should be sharing this sort of thing with each other; to me, that's how two people grow together, as opposed to growing apart, which happens in so many relationships.

[eflo]

@oceanflower: Your signature reminds me of a quote from another book that I read somewhat recently, but I can't put my finger on it right now... When I think of it, I'll have to post it in the favorite literary quotes thread, because I know it's a quote that I really enjoy... Maybe somebody else here knows what I'm talking about though.

Back on topic...

Well, as an extrovert, I tend to want to talk about and share a new idea or revelation that's come to me, but I'm careful about who I share with. In my opinion, if two people are in a committed relationship they should be sharing this sort of thing with each other; to me, that's how two people grow together, as opposed to growing apart, which happens in so many relationships.
I would agree with this. Communication is essential to a successful relationship. My #1 priority. I think of myself as more introverted, but if I'm in a relationship with someone, I tend to be much more extroverted. Makes sense, right...since I'm so comfortable around that person. I haven't been around my girlfriend much lately because she's in the D.C. area working (part of the reason I'm looking in that area 8)). So much of my thinking these days has been directed inward.[/quote]

[oceanflower]

@oceanflower: Your signature reminds me of a quote from another book that I read somewhat recently, but I can't put my finger on it right now... When I think of it, I'll have to post it in the favorite literary quotes thread, because I know it's a quote that I really enjoy... Maybe somebody else here knows what I'm talking about though.

Back on topic...

Well, as an extrovert, I tend to want to talk about and share a new idea or revelation that's come to me, but I'm careful about who I share with. In my opinion, if two people are in a committed relationship they should be sharing this sort of thing with each other; to me, that's how two people grow together, as opposed to growing apart, which happens in so many relationships.
I would agree with this. Communication is essential to a successful relationship. My #1 priority. I think of myself as more introverted, but if I'm in a relationship with someone, I tend to be much more extroverted. Makes sense, right...since I'm so comfortable around that person. I haven't been around my girlfriend much lately because she's in the D.C. area working (part of the reason I'm looking in that area 8)). So much of my thinking these days has been directed inward.[/quote]

Don't forget the phone...it's not the same, I know, but it's better than nothing. :wink:

[eflo]

Don't forget the phone...it's not the same, I know, but it's better than nothing. :wink:

I call her everyday after work! :) She works until late though, so I don't get to talk to her that long, but it's good to hear her voice, you know? And I'm sure it makes her day to have someone to talk to.

Well, where do we go next with this thread?

[oceanflower]

Don't forget the phone...it's not the same, I know, but it's better than nothing. :wink:

Well, where do we go next with this thread?

Well...since no one else want to reveal what they seek most in an individual...I've asked Sean if he'd begin a new forum in the "General" Section called something like "Love, life and relationships." I think it would get a good response.

[eflo]

Should we move this thread to the "Love, Life, & Relationships" forum?

I know this thread is kind of dead, but maybe it'll do better in that forum, since it's more on topic and since there aren't too many threads in that forum right now. Just a thought I just now had.

[oceanflower]

Should we move this thread to the "Love, Life, & Relationships" forum?

I know this thread is kind of dead, but maybe it'll do better in that forum, since it's more on topic and since there aren't too many threads in that forum right now. Just a thought I just now had.

DONE! Your wish is my command. :wink:

[incka]

I seem to like girls with one colour of hair. It's some sort of brown with a tiny tint of red, I don't know the name of it. It's not auburn, not that red. Perhaps it is just coninsidence though...

[Moonlight]

I think the most important thing in a partner is that I'm comfortable around them. With most people I'm a little self-conscious about one thing or another, but every now and then I find a person I'm completely free around.

I also like people that are layed back. Sure it's nice to have the romantic write-you-poetry guy when you older, but as a teenager, I don't want a b/f who's gonna be quoting sonnets withing a week of us going out. If he says "I love you" I'm gonna feel obligated to say it, and considering the fact that I'm 15 I'll know I'm probably lying to him and he's lying to me. Then our relationship is based on lies and that just isn't good. Basically, I want someone who won't take dating too seriously cause I'm still young and I'm not looking for serious.

[follow_me_around]

my ideal features would be the combination of Umberto Eco, Thom Yorke, and Jude Law..


cheers

[eflo]

Should we move this thread to the "Love, Life, & Relationships" forum?

I know this thread is kind of dead, but maybe it'll do better in that forum, since it's more on topic and since there aren't too many threads in that forum right now. Just a thought I just now had.

DONE! Your wish is my command. :wink:

Looks like in doing so, we've revived this thread a little bit. :)

[eflo]

my ideal features would be the combination of Umberto Eco, Thom Yorke, and Jude Law..


cheers

Which features from each person? Just curious.

[mazarane]

the singing of Umberto Eco, the looks of Thom Yorke and the writing of Jude Law? :wink:

[follow_me_around]

100 % correct..here's a thousand dollars for you ;)

i always think that Eco has a great voice and Thom has the most beautiful face on earth and Jude is so damn smart..

well, i love Eco's writings, he's brilliant. And i've been in love with Thom's voice since i was 10 years old, but i just recently fall in love with Jude..so the ideal physical look might be changed

cheers

[*Shakermaker*]

I think it's meaningless to say what features you would like to see in your partner, cos, ok, you can easily name them, but at the end of the day, you can never know what kind of personality will THAT person have. and when you fall in love with a person, you fall in love with everything about that person, right?

[oceanflower]

I think it's meaningless to say what features you would like to see in your partner, cos, ok, you can easily name them, but at the end of the day, you can never know what kind of personality will THAT person have. and when you fall in love with a person, you fall in love with everything about that person, right?

I agree with you..it's the person as a whole, their utter uniqueness as an individual, that one loves.

[follow_me_around]

hey we're talking about ideal features here


cheers

[oceanflower]

hey we're talking about ideal features here


cheers

Yes...and Shaker is saying that his/her(?) ideal features are internal and undefineable. Abstract features, you might say.

[*Shakermaker*]

hey we're talking about ideal features here


cheers

Yes...and Shaker is saying that his/her(?) ideal features are internal and undefineable. Abstract features, you might say.

yes, that's what I'm saying, making ideals is always meaningless. and sometimes it's even worse to create them, cos you have to accept a person for what he/she is, not want them to be some kind of ideal of yours.

p.s. oceanflower, you should say "her" ;]

[oceanflower]

hey we're talking about ideal features here


cheers

Yes...and Shaker is saying that his/her(?) ideal features are internal and undefineable. Abstract features, you might say.

yes, that's what I'm saying, making ideals is always meaningless. and sometimes it's even worse to create them, cos you have to accept a person for what he/she is, not want them to be some kind of ideal of yours.

p.s. oceanflower, you should say "her" ;]

You are now officially designated as a girl. :wink:

[Sisyphis]

To quote Joyce: "No damn nonsense."

That is the best thing to have in a girlfriend.
Someone who won't die on you while you're wading through a swamp carting kalashnikovs.

All other types are an exercise in preliminaries - drive them around a bit but don't buy!

[creme_ala_creme78]

alright, since its been so long, im gonna repost my ideals and see if theyve changed, lol

a) intelligence
b) sense of humor (preferably sarcasm, and MUST be able to take teasing, not constantly, but at least occasionally)
c) an appreciation for art of all (or most) kinds
d) his OWN opinions
e) lean or skinny
f) pretty eyes (not any particular color, just deep)
g) nice smile
h) taller than me
i) good hygeine (for high school guys its occasionally difficult)
j) ambition (not overly ambitious *coughseancough* but a guy who knows what he wants out or life and isnt afraid to go after it)

[DARKanima]

a person who i have the most intimate relationship with...

maybe "love" is just the mind way of making reproduction seem "friendlier", like a mental defense mechanism explaining emotions, because maybe they don't exist... but the idea of it all existing makes life feel safer so ill go with that

[creme_ala_creme78]

interesting insight...ill hafta think about that...

[George]

She must have:
A good sense of humour
High intelligence
Must make own opinions and choices
Provocative
Has a wide range of ideas in the bedroom
Respect for my beliefs

[dumptruckrabbit]

I like men and women with whom i can have heated arguments, and then take it out on them in the bedroom. Im not very interested in long term commitments though, i find that making any promises makes me want to immediately break them, I feel claustrophobic in a relationship that extends anywhere beyond a friendship with occasional sexual meanderings. So i tend to go for argumantative people who are somewhat emotionally distant. i have no desire to find someone who is my mirror image, because i dont find the prospect of being simply content, comfortable together very appealing. you can only grow through conflict, and what i want from a person is an opportunity to become someone new in the crucible of our relationship.

[oceanflower]

alright, since its been so long, im gonna repost my ideals and see if theyve changed, lol
i) good hygeine (for high school guys its occasionally difficult)

LOL! So true!! There are plenty of grown men out there who wouldn't recognize a bar of soap or a bottle of deodorant, believe me. I dated one or two of these malodorous men myself. A real turn-off, I must say.

[musi]

brains.. is that a feature? anyway, that is my weakness in men.. :) a man must be very clever and versatily developed - having a lot of knowledge about millions of things.. but then not being a bore and always being able to make me laugh.. :)

[blp]

Not sure there are any essential qualities. Every time I think I've nailed it down, I haven't. The pleasure is also the difficulty - unfamiliarity.

[incka]

Similar interests. Political and intellectual-film/tv/etc a must.